For some time now I have been an antifan of the Ottawa Senators. I live near Ottawa and I hear about how great these fucks are all the time. Tonight I couldn't sleep and "Fordy" made the following comment on Facebook:
It could always be worse…
…I could be a leafs fan!
So Fordy, are you SURE that would be worse than being a Sens fan? Let's see…
When speaking of hockey greatness, one can't help but mention the Stanley Cup. This is the award granted to the team that wins the annual NHL playoffs. The cup has seen three distinct league eras, the Challenge Cup (1893-1914), the NHA/NHL era (1915-1926), and the NHL (1927-present). Now some modern hockey fans would not consider the previous two eras of any significance because they were so long ago. For the sake of being thorough, I will at least quickly mention that during the 21 year Challenge Cup era Ottawa had 5 wins under the Ottawa HC name and 1 win under the Ottawa Senators name. Toronto had but one win in this era in 1914… however, it should be noted that the Toronto Blueshirts had only joined the league in 1911. This is what writers would call "foreshadowing" because Toronto got their first championship only three years after joining the league, more on that later.
The NHA/NHL era lasted a mere dozen years seeing two Toronto wins and three Ottawa wins. An overwhelming beating? Perhaps in the jaded fucked up minds of someone who spends more time cheering on hockey players than trying to understand math and common sense.
Now the NHL era is of course the current and longest lasting era. The Ottawa Senators won the very first NHL Stanley Cup in 1927. Then at the end of the 1933-34 season (their second consecutive time finishing DFL) it was announced they were not going to be back for the 34-35 season. They returned in 1992 with the same name and have not seen the cup yet (that's 17+ years as compared to the 3 it took Toronto). During the 59 year absence of the Sens, Toronto was able to win the cup a total of 11 times out of the 19 times they made it to the finals (the last being in 1967). Boy that sure is a long time ago eh? Yeah, 1927 sure is a long time ago.
OK, so just because Toronto has 11 times as many Stanley Cup wins in the modern era of the Stanley Cup doesn't mean they are better right? I mean what about all those years the Sens were gone? Yeah, that's right… there was so little interest in Canada's capital having a team that it didn't have one for almost 6 decades. So maybe people cheer for them because they like to "root for the home team"? Nope, that can't be it… a couple of Czechs, a couple Americans, and a Swedish captain… wait a minute, half the team isn't even Canadian! Wait another fucking minute! Of the 13 Canadians on the Sens, 5 of them are from the Toronto area! Those of you rooting for the home team should also be aware that only 2 of them are from the Ottawa area (that being Winchester and Gatineau). On a side note, while Toronto also has 13 Canadian players, only 4 of them are from the Toronto area.
Well it sure is fun to have a rivalry though isn't it? Those Toronto fans sure do suck don't they? Hmmm, I wonder how the Sens of today (1992-present) have done against Toronto? Let's have a look at the playoff record for games between Ottawa and Toronto.
2004: Toronto beat Ottawa 4 games to 3 in the first round.
2002: Toronto beat Ottawa 4 games to 3 in the second round.
2001: Toronto beat Ottawa 4 games to 0 (that's a zero) in the first round.
2000: Toronto beat Ottawa 4 games to 2 in the first round.
Now I am just doing the math real quick in my head here but doesn't that look like the current incarnation of Ottawa has faced Toronto 4 times and has lost every single time? Interesting, well what about those years when Ottawa made the playoffs and Toronto didn't? Well, since the Sens' return they've made the playoffs 11 times while Toronto has made it 10 times.
In the 06-07 season the Sens made it to the Stanley Cup finals and according to Wikipedia they yanked in close to $100 million. While it is easy to type that in, and just as easy to say, I have serious doubts that most people can actually comprehend just how big a number that is. Who cares? Sens fans should. The team costs this area fuckloads of money. Ticket sales, TV commercials, traffic problems, increased gas usage, plastic flags on cars, cleanup crews to pickup broken plastic flags, jerseys, hats, condoms, beer, "I'm with retard" T-shirts, half day government employee salaries on game day, police coverage, parking, dental bills from fights with Leaf fans, and most importantly… something you can't put a value on, dignity.
Seriously, Sens fans blow fuckloads of money on the team and it simply can't be worth it. You got your tickets free? Great for you, but no matter how much you paid… the Sens still got paid and as a result they continue to charge the same rate. Anybody who goes to games (free tickets or not) is not in a position to bitch about the price, it's your fault fucker. If you're someone who says that they like to watch the best hockey players in the world, then Toronto is just as good as Ottawa. Get a fucking grip, while almost all players in the NHL are far better players than I am, neither team stands out as being elite when facing the rest of the league. And the people who get paid, don't give a fuck… they're just happy that you keep lining their pockets with cash. And for fuck sake, if you just want to get drunk and make a fucking ass of yourself… stay the fuck home, don't piss off motorists everywhere, don't be a cheap fuck who drives home drunk instead of taking a cab, just stop at Ye Olde Beer Fucking Store and get as wasted as you like in your basement dipshit.
PS: Where the fuck were you people when the Lynx needed fans? Where the fuck do you go when the 67's have a game? For the price of one fucking Sens ticket you can take the whole fucking family to a 67's game and feed them too.
I'll be happy when the Sens get moved to St. John's and are called the Butterflies.
